Given women represent around half of any population, they should have no difficulty in obtaining equal rights with men. But only a minority of women want these rights and they have to fight against other women’s attitudes as much as those of men. Most women are happy to settle for a more traditional role based on their reproductive function. This is natural. Women define their lives in terms of their relationships rather than their own talents, which makes them dependent on a man for support. Sex is the currency of relationships with men. So few women ever comment on sex.
Men evidently do not get enough sex (the variety and type of activity) from their relationships with women. Otherwise men would not seek out prostitutes and extra-marital affairs as they do. The corollary is that women who are in relationships with men tend to get more sex than they want. This is the eternal dilemma of the heterosexual couple. Women insist on monogamy because they offer sex in return for the emotional reassurance of a man’s commitment. Male sex drive makes promiscuity attractive to many men so women need to compete with each other for male attention.
In Western society it is socially acceptable for young and attractive women to display their bodies for male admiration. Young women fiercely defend what they see as their right to display themselves as a vital aspect of their sexuality. Men are motivated to display themselves when their penis is erect. So they assume that a woman displays her body as a means of making a sexual invitation because she is aroused. The difference is that women display themselves to gain approval and be admired in a platonic way.
Men are aroused by women every day but few of these women are offering sex. This causes resentment between women because men’s partners are expected to provide the sex men need to release the frustration caused by being surrounded by half-dressed women. Men assume that such women are aroused even though there is no evidence of female sexual frustration. A dress code that the same for everyone, would respect men’s sex drive.
Men compete with each other. But they also collaborate. They join forces with each other to fight a common foe. Women compete with each other over men. Women do not collaborate because every other woman is a threat. Women never compare notes honestly over sex because of politics.
Some women enjoy the attention they get from promoting themselves sexually. They are confident that no one will ever be able to assess their willingness to do more than flaunt their bodies and sexual egos. Only a lover knows if a woman is willing to offer sexual pleasuring, engage in sex play and enjoy erotic fantasies. Apparently “There is honour among men”. There is little honour among women. Human nature does not vary much between the sexes. There is always a desire to protect one’s own interests.
The issue of female orgasm with a lover is at the core of sexual politics. Men want to feel valued as lovers. Women want to keep men happy in bed so they get other things in exchange like love, support & companionship.
Some women think it’s cool to emulate male bravado so they imply that they use men for sex. Of course women use men for sex! But women are motivated by ego, by money and by love. They are not motivated by sex itself or even by orgasm. In this sense women are not sexually motivated.
A key characteristic of female sexuality is women’s desire to be attractive to men. This is because of the huge advantage women obtain from men in exchange for offering intercourse. Some women think they can define orgasm however they want. They have no idea that mental arousal or genital stimulation are required. Orgasm is a specific physiological response of the human body and should not be defined by fantasies or erotic fiction. Women boast about orgasm to impress others. They are confident their claims will be accepted because they repeat popular beliefs about female sexuality. Unfortunately, men are so mesmerised by stories of female orgasm that these women often succeed in getting the attention they want.
Boasting about orgasm is a simple tick-the-box exercise for women. They make no reference to turn-ons or sexual pleasure. Some women suggest that a lover stimulates them vaginally and others clitorally. This reflects women’s sexual passivity. They don’t talk about their lover’s body and their drive to stimulate a lover. Women never discuss any turn-ons (such as genitals or explicit sexual activity) in the appreciative way that men do. Women suggest that they are aroused by images from porn. If so, they would be aroused by the real thing too, such as male genitals or ejaculation.
Most people are interested in women’s response to intercourse. Male sex drive means that men want intercourse above all other sexual activity. So women want to understand how intercourse might be as pleasurable for them as it evidently is for men. For those women who convince themselves that they do indeed orgasm with a lover, research that justifies their orgasms with a lover is obviously very useful and gives their claims some authenticity.
Thus, we have two problems: First, the male version of sex drive is what women are unjustly measured by. Second, women are trying too hard to please men who need more realistic expectations of women’s sexuality. (Joan Sewell 2010)
